


Selfish

by changminsfairy



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Anal Fingering, Anal Play, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eric softest boi, Exes to Lovers, Finger Sucking, Hand & Finger Kink, Hand Jobs, Implied Relationships, Jumil proves to be super dumb, M/M, Mutual Pining, Office Sex, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Porn With Plot, Public Hand Jobs, Sloppy Makeouts, Spanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:54:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26694841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/changminsfairy/pseuds/changminsfairy
Summary: Navigating the maze of a broken heart can be brutal and eye-opening. Fingers get pointed elsewhere, but in the end the price one pays for being selfish can be costly.
Relationships: Lee Jaehyun | Hyunjae/Lee Juyeon
Comments: 4
Kudos: 91





	Selfish

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kreahbu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kreahbu/gifts).



> OH MY GODDDDD IM FINALLY POSTING HER. I've been working on this for far too long. Thank you to Ava for the brilliant idea that started this entire fic!! I hope you enjoy it love <3 ILYSM

It's always on cloudy days that Juyeon remembers vividly how they used to be. How infinitely happier he was back then. It never fails to make his stomach curdle uncomfortably. He hates remembering how much he loved _loves?_ Hyunjae.

He hates how fast his heart still beats when he even thinks of his ex.

Juyeon can vividly remember those days of them holding hands and laughing and how it all came crashing down right before Hyunjae's 2nd year of being the CEO of H Style, his fashion magazine publishing company.

Juyeon still blames himself, for having the audacity to try to date someone like Hyunjae when he's not even near the standard Hyunjae is accustomed to. His sleepless nights have yet to improve from that fateful night two years ago, when Hyunjae decided it was time for them to part ways. Juyeon's memory of his own actions, what he said, and what Hyunjae said are extremely blurry. He remembers that it felt like someone had dropped a steel plate onto his back, and a hazy fog settled right over his eyes. He didn't remember how he got home that night, still doesn't, and the following weeks after that he felt hollow.

It took his three best friends storming his apartment for him to finally snap out of his loveless haze, and even to this day he still feels hollow-like a piece of him is forever lost.

This is why Juyeon hates cloudy days.

~~~

It's always on cloudy days that Hyunjae remembers how much of a dumbass he is.

He's sitting in his office, his bright eyed secretary Eric talking away about some shoot that needs to be rescheduled, and all he can think about is the way he misses Juyeon's enormous hands around his, and how the younger would rub circles into his knuckles comfortingly. He remembers how Juyeon's eyes crinkle into delicate half moons, his smile bright and infectious. Hyunjae cherishes it all, even though it's his fault that they no longer share the same bed on pointlessly cold nights.

Hyunjae's burned the horrendous word for Juyeon's line of work _stripper_ into his head. He hates that word, hates its implications, and scowls at those who use it in a derogatory manner.

But that's very hypocritical of him, because it's those same implications that got into his head and made him boyfriend-less in the first place.

Almost as if he can read Hyunjae's mind, Eric claps his hands right in front of his boss's face. "Hyung? Are you even listening to me right now?"

Hyunjae blinks once, then ruffles his hair in frustration. "I'm sorry Eric. I've got a lot on my mind. Can we discuss this another time?'

Eric sighs knowingly, and figures that it is that time of year. Hyunjae always gets like this during colder weather, especially autumn, and it's already been two years since the breakup. But Hyunjae has never been the same, never had the same light in his eyes as back then.

And all his employees know it too.

So instead of getting mad, Eric nods and says, "I'll make you some hot chocolate hyung!" and scurries out of his office, laptop in hand. Hyunjae can help smiling at the younger's retreating figure. He's always seen Eric as a little brother, and Eric has been in the company for as long as Hyunjae has been CEO. When Hyunjae took over after his older sister retired, she told him that her secretary would not be staying, so he was to find a new secretary immediately. Being the CEO of a fashion magazine publisher meant that he received a lot applications from chic young adults, but he will never forget how Eric stood out amongst the crowd. Not even an ounce of experience with clothes, but his style was immaculate. Hyunjae remembers exactly what the younger wore to his interview: a perfectly pressed off white Marc Jacobs button down with a classic Burberry sweater vest layered over it. The left sleeve of the button down was rolled to the elbow, to reveal a set of beautifully dangling Tiffany's bracelets. His pants were nicely fitted black trousers that he had cuffed at the ankle, and to top it off he was wearing TopShop oxfords. The outfit screamed preppy schoolboy meets successful office worker vibes, and as soon as Hyunjae laid eyes on him, he knew Eric would be his secretary.

What he hadn't expected was the young boy's personality. Opposing his sleek way of dressing, Eric was loud and rambunctious, borderline annoying. He balanced his energetic personality out with a bright smile and optimistic dispostion. Even when Eric got scolded, he somehow managed to have the patience of an angel and never got frustrated, just motivated.

Hyunjae once again snaps out of his daze when he hears a knock on his door. He never locks his door, so he immediately calls for the person to enter. He's not surprised to see Sunwoo, one of his editors, push the door open, his clear frames slipping adorably down his nose. He pushes them up as he takes a seat and hands Hyunjae a manila folder with a picture paperclipped on the front.

"Hyung I think you should see this."

Hyunjae turns his gaze downward and immediately sucks in a harsh breath. His brain is full of _him_ again, and it's almost like nothing else exists around him and reality slips away for a moment.

"He...he was here?"

Sunwoo nods sheepishly, not sure how to approach the situation. "I hadn't realized that Younghoon called him in-"

Hyunjae flips the folder upside down, unable to handle his ex's marvelous visage. "What shoot was it for?"

Sunwoo drums his fingers on Hyunjae's desk, as if he's nervous to answer. "That's the thing hyung. I asked Younghoon what shoot he was called in for and that hyung wouldn't say a peep."

Hyunjae grimaces, knowing that probably meant his best friend was probably up to something. As vice president and head editor, Younghoon has a lot of say in what actually goes into the magazine. Hyunjae mostly manages the booking and nitty gritty of running the company. Every now and then he likes to help edit, and every page still has to be run under his fine-tuned gaze, but he's taken a step back from his previous job as head editor since Younghoon enjoys doing it so much. Not to mention, he could easily hide things from Sunwoo who, in a sense, was Younghoon's intern and prodige.

"It's fine, Sunwoo. Don't be too hard on yourself. We didn't know. I'll discuss this matter Younghoon later. For now, go ahead and continue the rest of your work for the upcoming issue."

Sunwoo nods, and peers down at the manila folder before deciding against whatever he was going to say and hurriedly exits the office. As soon as he closes the door, Hyunjae slowly lowers his gaze to the turned over manila folder. With shaky hands, he flips it back over, revealing Juyeon's marvelous image. In the shoot, he's wearing a black Vetements muscle tee, his gloriously toned arms shining under the studio light. He's got slightly tight leather pants on, and sprinkled all over him are bright red stickers that say _FRAGILE. HANDLE WITH CARE_. Around his neck, he's got the prettiest black choker, made up of connecting X shapes which only barely peek out from above his shirt. On his left wrist he wears a thick leather bracelet, fastened with silver buttons. On his right hand, there's a finger glove that's slightly stretched, and reaches to about his knuckles. And to top it all off, sitting neatly on his head is a black leather paperboy hat. In this particular picture, Juyeon is sitting up on his knees, one arm across his chest, and the other resting perpindicularly on top, so that he can rest his chin in his hand. It's borderline impossible to not notice the poutiness of Juyeon's slightly parted lips from the angle the picture was shot at. And almost as if Juyeon knew this, he's slightly leaning back in the picture, while his feline eyes look smolderingly into the camera. Hyunjae lets his eyes drink in the artistry of the shot, _for a little too long_ , before closing his eyes and pushing the picture away to rub his temples in frustration.

Just as he does this, Eric bursts back in with hot chocolate and a glazed donut. Hyunjae gives him a weak smile, before clammering to hide the folder underneath some other paperwork. Eric isn't stupid, but doesn't say a word, and simply settles into the chair in front of his hyung, and begins midnlessly chatting with him. Although Hyunjae is responding to the younger, he doesn't quite register anything Eric is saying.

_"Why in the world did I ever let you go?"_

~~~

Juyeon is lounging in his flat when he hears the knocking. It's loud enough for him to almost drop his phone. He figures it's the delivery that he ordered almost 30 minutes ago, but when he opens the door, he sees Chanhee and Changmin smiling and standing at his doorway.

Without so much as a hello, the two burst through his door, removing their shoes and dropping their bags. Juyeon raises an eyebrow, until he sees a bag of groceries that Chanhee sets on the table. And almost as if they were in some well-choreographed dance, Changmin then hands Juyeon an iced americano. Juyeon's eyes light up for a second and he looks between his two friends barely holding back his giddy.

Chanhee clucks his tongue and pinches Juyeon's cheek. "You really need to learn to take care of yourself, Yeonie."

Juyeon smiles even wider back, his eyes crinkling delicately into crescent moons. "I take care of myself!" he argues.

Changmin scoffs teasingly. "Juju, you literally order delivery every other day. And when you don't have work-" is what he starts to say, but he realizes he shouldn't finish that sentence.

The flat goes quiet for a moment, and then "H-have you been going to work?" Changmin asks, his voice much smaller.

Juyeon simply shrugs as he sips his coffee. "They haven't called me in. And usually I go in on specific days. At least, that's when I know the regulars who like me are there."

Chanhee forces himself not to bite his lip, not to clench his fist, fights the sinking feeling that fills up his chest. He's known Juyeon since high school, has seen how ugly life was to such a bright person. Juyeon hasn't lost his smile much, hasn't let things get to him. He never even let those poisonous words of the people who judged him get under his skin. But Chanhee has never been able to fully rid himself of the feeling of pity that fills up his lungs, which is always inevitably replaced by guilt because of all things, Chanhee hates that pity is what permeates his body whenever Juyeon's line of work is brought up.

It only makes things worse that Juyeon _knows_ , he knows that he's a pretty face and has a handsome body. He doesn't feel his skin crawling when foreign hands taint his marbled skin, doesn't even let himself feel at all. But Chanhee knows how much he dissociates from his head, from his body. Juyeon once told him that he didn't allow himself to feel anything at work. Just blanked out.

Chanhee has to dig his nails into his palm when he notices that Changmin and Juyeon are staring at him.

But Juyeon notices, like the observant feline creature he is. "Chanie...are you okay?"

Chanhee swallows thickly, words trapped in his mouth and tongue heavy with self-loathing. So, rather than denying the obvious, Chanhee simply replies "It's nothing new."

Juyeon quirks up the corners of his lips and reaches out to ruffle Chanhee's hair delicately, not wanting to say anything to his friend. He's found that sometimes, Chanhee gets overrun by his emotions and isn't the best at expressing said emotions. In those times, Juyeon likes to be the one he leans on.

Changmin, on the other hand, is already starting to unpack groceries and decides to change the topic entirely. "Kevin said he'd be here in about 20 minutes for movie night. Did you pick a movie already, Juju?"

Juyeon nods and pulls up a saved tab on his laptop of the movie _Pulp Fiction_. Changmin nods proudly at his choice while setting up the snacks after he's finished organizing the groceries they brought.

Kevin arrives a bit earlier than expected about 10 minutes later and before they all settle down, he says something that shatters the room.

"Hey so you guys know how I've been trying to get booked for shoots lately?" The boys nod and Kevin continues, "Hm...how to say this...I got booked for a shoot...with H Style."

Normally, this would be grounds for a big celebration, but a thick feeling of discomfort quickly settles around them. Juyeon's stomach twists tight at just the mere thought of Hyunjae's company. He feels guilt dance between his shoulder blades, her cold touch turning his joints to stone. "D-did you accept it?" he finally sputters out.

Kevin sweeps the hair covering his eyes away, and simply says, "No. I felt like I would feel dirty if I accepted."

Juyeon frowns. "But Kev...you've been wanting this-"

"I don't care Juyeon. There will be other shoots, other oppotunities. I wouldn't have felt right accepting."

Juyeon sighs, and as if to prove a point he whips out his phone and types something too quickly for any of them to see. When they all look at him inquisitively, he simply holds his phone out. Juyeon's line of work may be looked down upon, but it does come with its connections. One of his regulars is the daughter of a big fashion designer so she always loves to give his picture to magazine companies. Some months ago, his picture had gotten to Younghoon, the head editor of H Style. Younghoon quickly contacted Juyeon at that time and ever since then, they've mildly kept in touch.

Especially when Younghoon figured out exactly _who_ Juyeon was.

Nevertheless, Kevin is the first to put the dots together. "You texted Younghoon hyung???"

Juyeon's eyes have a slightly stern glint to them. "Yes, because you deserve to do this shoot. And I wouldn't feel right if you didn't take it because me."

Kevin pouts a little bit, before his eyes move down to the phone once more and he sees the typing text dots indicating that Younghoon is about to respond. All Juyeon did was ask if Kevin's shoot was still a possibility, but without hesitation Younghoon replies, "Of course. I wasn't going to let him get away that easily."

Juyeon grins when he sees the reply and Kevin can't help but mirror the other's facial expression. Changmin sticks his hand into the bowl of popcorn they laid out. "So what now Juju? Are you going to go meet him too?"

Juyeon shrugs. "I'm not going to force anything right now."

Changmin nods slowly and adds, "I think that's a good way to think about it. And I appreciate the sentiment, but don't forget that you deserve closure. And...well it's clear you haven't gotten it yet. It's been two years and-"

Chanhee places his hand on top of Changmin's. "Changie is very clearly a worried wreck over your mental health, Yeonie." Chanhee grins, and Changmin stops babling. "Just promise us we won't have to storm your apartment again to force you out of bed, okay?"

The corners of Juyeon's mouth quirk up and he sticks out his pinky finger. The other three immediately stick their's out too, so all four of their fingertips are touching. They simultaneously twist their hands, mimicking the motion of locking something. They came up with this as a symbol of their friendship.

_Hearts entwined together, kept safe with twinkling eye smiles and promises of forever._

~~~

Hyunjae can't stand the little smirk that graces Younghoon's handsome features.

"Did you do it to get under my skin, Hoonie?"

Younghoon holds back a snort and brushes a loose hair from his face. "Hyunjae, I also have a stake in the company. And you can't deny the magnetism that cover would have."

Hyunjae rubs his temples, taking a sip of his water. It's their ritual to get dinner every other weekend together-sometimes they do everything in their power to not think about work. Other times, talking about work with each other can be refreshing, especially since they don't actually see each other at the company often.

Hyunjae is honestly mortified that he can't seem to unsee the image of Juyeon that Sunwoo had presented to him days before. He doesnt want to feel like he's suffocating, but he feels like at this point it's been burned into the backs of his eyelids.

Younghoon takes a sip of his soda. "Y'know Hyunjae...it's not my fault you're not over your ex."

Hyunjae shoots him a death glare, and this time Younghoon does laugh.

"What? You're looking at me that way but you know it's true." he says between giggles.

"Whether I'm over him or not doesn't matter, Hoonie. But to shamelessly flaunt him under my nose-"

"Shamelessly?" Younghoon snorts a bit. "Hyunjae, models come in and out of the 1st floor all the time. I did nothing but ask him to come in for a test shoot! He seemed a bit nervous at first but he definitely mellowed out after a while."

Hyunjae sighs. "I guess...I don't mind using the picture. Maybe not as a cover, since he's not a well-known model."

"But isn't that more exciting? An unknown face like _that_...it will surely catch people's attention."

Hyunjae squints his eyes at Younghoon, because as much as he hates to admit it-his friend is right. A fresh face amongst the saturated industry of models is always a good strategy, and Juyeon's visuals are certainly strong enough.

Younghoon smiles as they receive their food and thank their server. "So I have the okay?"

Hyunjae rolls his eyes as he gives a slight nod, but can't help the twinkle in his eye. Even though Younghoon does some crazy shit sometimes, he can always trust that his heart is in the right place. He appreciates that about his friend.

Once they're done eating, the two walk out to Younghoon's car. "What should we do now? Are you exhausted or?"

Hyunjae does feel a bit exhausted but he doesn't trust himself to be alone right now. He doesn't want to face a cold bed again, definitely doesn't have the heart to pointlessly search for warmth underneath his duvet blanket. So instead, he replies "No, I don't feel too burnt out. Do you want to have a movie night?"

Younghoon smiles softly and ruffles Hyunjae hair. "Sure that sounds like fun! We can drink too!" he laughs and messages their group chat (it consists of them, Sunwoo, Eric, Jacob, and Sangyeon) that they're having a movie night with drinks at his place.

Once they all pile into Younghoon's large flat, they start setting up. They grab floor cushions, blankets, several types of soju from Younghoon's well stocked fridge, and most importantly-a widespread assortment of finger food and snacks. After gathering everything, they decide to watch _Bridesmaids_ , a raunchy romcom and one of Younghoon's favorites.

Just as the movie starts, Eric-ever the enthusiast-takes a yogurt flavored soju and declares that everytime they mention the word bride he'll be taking a swig from his bottle. Sunwoo, who's got his hand deep in a bag of peanut m&ms guffaws and says, "Just don't make me carry you to the bathroom again this time."

Hyunjae settles comfortably between Younghoon and Jacob, with Sangyeon on Younghoon's opposite shoulder. He's about to let himself mindlessly watch the movie playing, when he sees Younghoon's phone light up brightly in his lap, indicating he's got a notification. Hyunjae's eyes curiously wander to what the notification is and there, plainly on his best friend's screen, he sees a text message from the contact _Lee Juyeon_.

Hyunjae sits up so fast he almost drops his soju. He looks dumbfoundedly at Younghoon, who has yet to notice why Hyunjae is so startled. Jacob, on the other hand, sits up a bit to look at his friend. "Hyunjae? Are you alright?"

Hyunjae simply stands up, wobbling a little from the alcohol and the blood rushing from his head. Sunwoo, who's on the ground but directly next to Hyunjae, looks at the older with a puzzled look. "Hyung?"

"I need a moment." Hyunjae barely breathes out, before hurriedly making his way to Younghoon's bathroom.

Younghoon looks just as confused as everyone else, until Sangyeon clicks his tongue. "Ahhh, I see." he points at Younghoon's phone, still in his lap. Younghoon looks down and grimaces. "Oh shit. I forgot he said he was going to send me a text."

Jacob purses his lips and says what everyone is thinking, "What does it say, Hoonie?"

Younghoon clicks into the message and proceeds to read it aloud. " _Hi hyung. I managed to convince Kevin to continue with the shoot as planned._ "

Eric laughs loudly. "All of this over something so formal?"

Younghoon quickly types back, " _That's great. When should we expect to see him?_ "

Immediately, the typing text bubbles pop up and Juyeon sends " _He said he's free next weekend. Does that work?_ "

Younghoon brings up his mobile calendar and looks at the next weekend. He and Hyunjae had a different meeting get cancelled that weekend, so it actually was perfect. " _It's perfect._ "

Younghoon expects Juyeon to stop the conversation but instead he sends, " _Okay I'll let him know. And hyung? Is it okay if I accompany him?_ "

Jacob and Sangyeon's eyes widen unexpectedly. But Younghoon bites his lip. He remembers how riled up Hyunjae seemed at dinner today and as much as he teases, he doesn't actually want to step on his friend's toes. " _Is there a particular reason why? Did you want to do another test shoot?_ "

Juyeon's only response is, " _I want to see Hyunjae hyung._ "

Needless to say, when Hyunjae emerges from the bathroom, the room has dissolved into chaotic shrieking.

Hyunjae seats himself onto the floor, and all his friends tell him to brace himself when they show him the messages.

Hyunjae's heart drops to his stomach, a lumpy feeling occupying his windpipes. "W-why would he..."

Sunwoo, who is usually the most timid around Hyunjae since he's known everyone for the least amount of time, slaps the table a bit aggressively. "Because hyung!!! He's clearly not over you."

Hyunjae quirks a brow. "It's been two years, Sunwoo."

Jacob smirks a little. "That hasn't stopped you, has it?'

Hyunjae flushes and pouts a little. "No but that's different-"

"No it's not." Sangyeon cuts him off. "If anything it's worse for him. He's gotten no closure. Think about how he must feel. If it's not that he's trying to get back together with you, it means that he's finally coming to get his closure."

"Yeah you should at least hear him out, hyung." Eric chides in.

Hyunjae scowls. "So none of you are on my side." the teasing lilt in his voice ruining the way he's trying to look stern.

Younghoon bursts out laughing. "You're so bad at lying, Hyunjae. Just admit you're happy that he wants to see you after two fucking years."

Hyunjae laughs with him, and his laugh transforms into a smile so genuine it almost hurts Younghoon. "I can't fully bring myself to be happy but...well I won't lie and say I'm not pleased that he's thinking about me."

And with that, the boys continue their movie night, and Hyunjae gets absolutely wasted on the thought of seeing the man that used to warm his bed.

~~~

Seeing Juyeon being so infuriatingly calm pisses Kevin the hell off. He wants to be the one with a cool head, but somehow it's his friend that's going to see his ex that he hasn't seen in two years who is perfectly fine.

"Worried, Kev?" Juyeon asks as he plants a comforting hand on the other's shoulder.

Kevin swats away Juyeon's large palm and Juyeon chuckles a bit at that. It's rare to see Kevin so visibly nervous, and Juyeon finds that he enjoys seeing Kevin come apart at the seams. He can tell Kevin thinks that he isn't a nervous wreck which only fuels his amusement.

He _definitely_ is. In fact, he feels like his spine might fall right out of his body. He's just better at hiding it.

They step out of the subway station and make their way to the H Style building, which is only a few minutes away. Realizing how early they are, Juyeon forces Kevin to stop with him to pick up coffee. He orders Kevin an iced green tea because he doesn't want his friend to shit his pants before they even get to the building.

They arrive at the building and Kevin can feel his knees about to buckle. An intern sees them at the front desk, and immediately she stands up to scurry to the back. At that point, Juyeon and Kevin decide to take a seat to the side so they aren't blocking the main lobby area.

About 10 minutes later, the intern is coming back and even from a distance, Juyeon spots Younghoon's handsome features immediately. The older man has a face that Juyeon isn't sure should be legal, and he's got a tall frame to add insult to injury. Juyeon stands, which is Kevin's cue to stand, and they both bow as Younghoon gets closer.

"Hi Juyeon! And you must be Kevin?"

Kevin nods, trying to anchor himself as he shakes Younghoon's hand.

"You can call me Younghoon hyung if you'd like! Let me take you to the main studio."

So the two follow Younghoon into the back of the first floor of the building. After taking many turns, they emerge into a large, mostly empty room. In the center of the room, there's a large wall of greenery, covered with bright flowers and fake butterflies dancing around. On the ground, there's a bit of dirt and a skew of vines all over.

Kevin gasps at the set. It's pretty, but not over the top. He now understands why he was told to wear neutral tones. Luckily, he went with a loose-fitting khaki peasant top, with a frilled collar and balloon sleeves paired with a bit tighter fitting creamy white cigarette jeans. The bottom of his pants are slightly frayed, and overall his outfit choice gives him an almost elf-like concept.

Suddenly, a boy with golden brown hair and the face of an angel walks up to the trio. He peeks at Juyeon for a second before smiling directly at Kevin. "Hi, my name is Jacob! I'm one of the heads of the photography department at H Style and I'll be doing your shoot today."

Kevin immediately feels his nerves calm down in the presence of this boy and he gives a small smile in return. "Hi, I'm Kevin. I'm excited to work with you."

Jacob nods. "That's good! You look a tad nervous, but don't worry. We'll put on some music and you'll get into the swing of things." he pauses and takes a look at Kevin's outfit. "That's a beautiful outfit you've got on, too! It suits you quite well. I have some ideas about your hair and makeup that I'll discuss with you before we let the stylists do anything, but first-you can go ahead and take off your shoes. You won't be needing them."

Kevin does as he's instructed and is promptly whisked off by Jacob. Younghoon turns to Juyeon and smiles giddily. "Okay, so are you going to tell me why you suddenly-?"

Juyeon sheepishly grins back. "There was no real reason. I was talking about it with my friends and I realized I wanted to see him again, if he was okay with it."

Younghoon nods understandingly. "So for closure?"

Juyeon chews his lip a little. "I don't know if it's necessarily closure. How can I get closure on something I'm not entirely finished with?"

Younghoon holds back a squeal. "Finished as in...?"

Juyeon smiles knowingly, and motions a zipper over his lips. A light dances in Younghoon's eyes and he wants to ask more, but he hears footsteps behind him and figures it's time.

When Younghoon turns, he sees Sangyeon and Hyunjae walking in, but he almost doesn't recognize his best friend. The man who usually comes to work with effortless style looks incredibly _done up_ , to say the least. He's got a little bit of makeup on, his eyebrows slightly filled and his cheeks subtly glowing with highlighter. He's even wearing his hair in a slight side part.

But really, it's his outfit that floors Younghoon. Instead of his usually simple chic style, On top, Hyunjae has decided on an airy light blue button up, paired with an extremely fitted brown plaid blazer, and a thick black belt around his waist. On bottom, he has on a pair of simple light wash jeans, with pair of brown chelsea boots.

Before Younghoon could comment on Hyunjae's attire, Sangyeon sticks his hand out for Juyeon. "Hi there, I'm Sangyeon. I don't believe we've met."

Juyeon's observant eyes catch every little twitch and look but he simply takes the other man's hand to firmly shake. Sangyeon looks down, seemingly confused as to why his hand feels smaller, and forcibly stops his jaw from dropping at the size of Juyeon's hands. Sangyeon steps away to go talk to Jacob about something that he expertly mutters under his breath, and Younghoon is made to stand there uncomfortably until Hyunjae finally shoos him away.

And then it's just them.

Juyeon is surprisingly less jumpy than he originally thought he'd be. His legs don't feel like jelly, his knees aren't buckling-he just wants to look at Hyunjae. Drinking in every little detail of the older man in front of him, as if Hyunjae isn't very clearly watching him stare.

"Do you like my outfit?" he chukles a bit and Juyeon feels faint from the way Hyunjae's mouth so beautifully upturns.

Juyeon nods. "I love it, hyung. Very you."

"Thank you. Everyone else isn't used to seeing me dressed up, so they all were really surprised."

Juyeon scratches the back of his head, "If I'd known, I would've gotten more dressed up." he says sheepishly, regretting his choice of wearing a simple long-sleeved black tshirt, dark wash jeans, and combat boots.

Hyunjae shrugs. "I think you pull off the effortless look."

Juyeon eyes the older man carefully, but gets straight to the point. "I'm honestly surprised you agreed to talk with me, hyung."

Hyunjae looks down, and Juyeon is pretty sure he sees guilt reflecting in his eyes. "I...I was shocked when Younghoon told me you wanted to see me. And I know I...well, let's go somewhere private first."

So Hyunjae takes him up to his office, located on the 2nd floor of the building. He gestures for Juyeon to sit on the small couch by the window of his office. Once he does, Hyunjae simply sits _a respectful distance_ away from him.

"Juyeon...I want to apologize for how I...ended things. I was very vague about everything and I wasn't thinking of how my actions would affect you."

Juyeon laughs a little. "Hyung nothing you could've said or done would've regarded my feelings. Partially because I had a feeling...that you weren't in love with me anymore."

Hyunjae polices his expression from turning sour when those words leave Juyeon's mouth. He doesn't like how they sound, doesn't know how he feels about the way Juyeon so easily accepts them as truth.

"So then...did you want to talk with me to get closure?"

Juyeon smirked, "Y'know, Younghoon asked me the same thing. Honestly, I don't know why. It just felt like a good opportunity to see you." He turns to look straight at Hyunjae as he softly utters, "And believe me, I wanted to see you."

Hyunjae's breath catches in his throat and he furrows his brows. "W-wait what? Why did you want to see me?"

Juyeon speaks, words tumbling out of his mouth before he can close the floodgates. "Like I said-I'm not quite sure. Something pulled me here today, hyung. I always trust my intuition when I feel it. And I felt it, for the first time in years. This...need to talk to you...no, not even that. I just needed to be in your presence again."

Hyunjae is rendered speechless, words stuck in his throat. All these words he wishes he had the courage to say _I was a fool for leaving you_ that refuse to escape. Instead, all he can pathetically muster out is "So that's it?"

Juyeon laughs, but it's tainted with something that sounds like disappointment and Hyunjae hates that. But before he can rectify his blunt words, Juyeon says "Yes hyung, that's it. I'm not sure why you agreed to see me, but I can't say I'm not glad you did." He moves to get up, but Hyunjae instinctually grabs his arm to stop him. When Juyeon looks at him in confusion, Hyunjae stupidly leans in to try to kiss the younger, even though his heart is screaming that he shouldn't.

Immediately, he's shoved away and Juyeon clambers away from the couch as if he's been burned. Hyunjae looks at Juyeon, sees the utter chaos he's caused swirling in the younger's eyes, and curses himself internally.

Coldly, Juyeon mutters, "Hyung, I've noticed you have a tendency to always take from those around you. You took what you wanted from me and then left, right?"

"Juyeon, wait-"

"No hyung, I won't stay hung up on you anymore. It's clear that what you and I want is very different." he says and decidedly marches out of the office.

After two years of blocking out all his pain and confusion and frustration, the sure sound of the door clicking shut is what topples the last of Hyunjae's walls. His arms crumple underneath him, unable to hold up his wretched body any longer. He wants so badly to cry, to completely lose himself in the all-consuming feeling that's quickly swelling in his chest.

But the tears simply won't come out, and it isn't until Younghoon comes and knocks on his office door about 15 minutes later that he even realizes that he's still lying lifeless on his couch.

~~~

Juyeon feels a whirlwind of emotions on the way back home with Kevin. He's extremely excited for Kevin, and proud that the other was able to successfully finish his shoot without any obstacles. Kevin is gushing to him about how nice Jacob was as they reach their apartment complex (all four of them live in the same apartment complex, but Kevin and Juyeon have their own flats, while Chanhee and Changmin split a bigger unit together) when he notices that Juyeon is zoning out.

"Juyeon? Can you hear me?"

Juyeon snaps back into focus and says, "Sorry Kev. I started to zone out."

"Yeah, I could tell." he responds, holding in a giggle. "Do you wanna talk? We can have some tea."

Juyeon decides to take him up on this offer, so he goes up the next flight of stairs with Kevin and as they enter his apartment, Juyeon can feel his knees wobbling. He sits down and isn't surprised to find the room starts spinning.

Kevin starts the electric kettle and sits down next to him on the couch. "Alright, spill. What happened during my shoot? You were so quiet on the way back here."

Juyeon flits a hand across his face and groans. "I don't even know Kev...one second I was telling hyung that I had an intuition that I needed to see him and the next...he tried to kiss me."

Kevin's jaw drops. "What??? He did what?"

"He tried to kiss me, Kev. I pushed him away and...I said some pretty harsh shit to him, but-"

"Good for you! He broke up with you on such vague reasons and then has the audacity to do something like that without any explanation?? Screw him."

Juyeon feels tears well up in his eyes as he quietly admits, "But I wanted him, Kev. I felt my nerves singing when he leaned in. God...I wanted him to-"

Kevin takes Juyeon's hands in his. "Juyeon. You already know what I'm going to say. You need to be more honest with yourself."

As Juyeon lets his tears begin falling, he buries his head into Kevin's shoulder. "I'm still in love with him. I know I am. I've known for so long and it hurts because I know he doesn't care."

Kevin rubs Juyeons back and lets him cry for a long while. Even when the water is done heating, Kevin keeps comforting Juyeon.

Hours later, Kevin has reheated the water and they're watching tv on the couch together, when Changmin and Chanhee come banging on Kevin's door.

Kevin opens the door and they both look like they're about to full-on shit their pants as they scurry into the apartment and hurriedly lock the door.

Breathless, Changmin begins with "W-we went to Juyeon's apartment to ask how today went and!! We saw some really fancy car?? Then a really tall guy with reddish brown hair came and approached us and said that if we see Juyeon to let him know??"

Chanhee takes a deep breath and says, "What in the fuck happened today?"

Thus, the four friends end up eating jajjangmyeon on the floor of Kevin's flat, with Juyeon explaining the events that transpired at H Style that day.

"I can't believe he pulled that shit." Changmin says between mouthfuls of noodles.

Chanhee's gaze is stained with concern and finally he utters, "You still love him, don't you?"

Juyeon winces as he takes a bite of his noodles, but nods quietly.

"Are you going to...do anything about it?"

Juyeon swallows and wipes his mouth. "What could I do about anything now? No...I'm never appearing in front of that person again."

"Yeonie, I swear to god if I have to come pick you up off your apartment floor again-"

"You won't, Chanie. If anything, this has given me more proof than I already had. After today, I've realized that we live in two different worlds. It didn't work the first time, so why would it work this time around?"

Changmin throws a chopstick at Juyeon and he looks mildly annoyed. "Stop that, Juju. You're forcing ugly words out of your mouth and it doesn't fit."

Juyeon sighs, suddenly feeling exhausted. He doesn't know what to think anymore, all he knows is that the white noise is the only escape he knows from the all-consuming feeling of suffocation that bubbles up in his throat. He wants to dissociate so badly, to just numb himself completely and feel absolutely nothing.

So it's no surprise that when Haknyeon calls him a few days later to ask if he can come into work, he doesn't even hesitate on his answer.

Haknyeon laughs over the phone. "Damn Juyeon, did you miss us? Why are you so eager to come in on an off-day?"

"I dunno...life has been a little shitty lately, Hakkie. This is a good distraction."

Haknyeon harumphs over the phone. "Juyeonie...you shouldn't be doing that. You don't have to come in if-"

Juyeon sighs. "It's okay, Hakkie. I want to." he says and hangs up before Haknyeon can protest more.

He arrives to work at 11pm sharp, in his favorite leather pants and a cropped sweater that somehow hangs loose on his broad frame. Underneath the sweater, he's wearing a black mesh mockneck, which subtly conceals his toned body underneath.

Haknyeon is the first to greet him, giving him a warm hug and tugging him towards the employees area. As soon as Juyeon sets his bag down, Haknyeon looks at him expectantly. "You don't expect me to let you perform after what we talked about, do you?"

Juyeon pouts. "Hakkie, really? I said I'm fine."

"Lee Juyeon." he says, all of the carefree lilt disappearing from his tone. "I called Chanhee."

Juyeon pouts even more. "Chanhee always gets worried, Hakkie. You know that."

"Look me straight in my eyes and tell me you aren't using this as an excuse to dissociate. Now."

Juyeon lands his gaze on Haknyeon. "I am not."

Haknyeon studies his face for a few more seconds and sighs. "Fine. But you tell me immediately if you're not feeling okay. I'll pull you off that stage."

Juyeon accepts his warm embrace, grateful for the younger's concern. Even though Haknyeon is younger, he's technically the manager of all the male performers at their club. So Juyeon doesn't mind his overprotective nature. He always says that his father (the club owner) isn't going to make sure the performers are okay, so he should take on the responsibility as their "manager".

Deep in his thoughts, Juyeon removes the bottom of his pants (there's a button at the thigh so that the pants can become shorts) and his converse, then swaps his casual shoes for one of his favorite pairs of shoes to dance in-his ridiculously tall platform combat boots. The shoes are black, with a dull shine to them, and have several thick buckles that run up the entirety of the boot. The top of the boots reach just under his knees, and had to be custom made to fit his ridculously long legs. Nevertheless, they give him about 9 extra centimeters of height-Juyeon is already pretty tall at a whopping 181cm, but being 190cm in black leather platforms makes him feel incredibly powerful and sexy.

About an hour passes before Juyeon is to be on stage, which is perfect because he wants to touch up his hair and do his makeup before going out. When it's almost his turn, Haknyeon comes to fetch him from the waiting room and is floored at his outfit. "Damn Juyeon, you're really going all out today?"

"Why not?" he giggles, the sparkly red beads he put under his eyes shining brilliantly. "It's about time I hunted for some new regulars."

Haknyeon nods, giving him the thumbs up. Juyeon walks up onto the stage, waits for his introduction, and then slowly walks right up to the curtain as the lights dim.

His music starts _God is a Woman by Ariana Grande_ and he slowly pushes past the curtains, already feeling his dissociation starting to kick in when he hears yells and screams from every corner of the room. Maybe he wasn't good enough for a certain CEO, but at least he could enjoy being gawked at like this.

He wasn't sure how much he actually enjoyed it anymore, but his body knew what to do without him having to think about it. Soon, the beat picks up and he's dancing suggestively without a care in the world. His skin prickles in anticipation when he grabs the pole in the center of the stage, gracefully swinging himself around it and floating marvelously to the floor. He rolls, grinding sexily into the ground, before arching his back like the feline creature he knows he looks like. Swivelling on his knees, he pushes himself to his feet once more, thrusting his hips into the air as screams light up the room and money is thrown at his feet. His routine ends, and he breathily bows, picks up his tips, before gracefully exiting the stage.

Adrenaline is pumping through his veins, and he hasn't counted all his money but he's sure that he made a lot more than he normally makes.

"Juyeon!!" Haknyeon calls from across the waiting room, and Juyeon quickly adjusts his hair before turning towards the other. "What is it?"

"Someone requested a room with you."

"Already??" he laughs.

Haknyeon nods, handing him a key and a small pouch with pepper spray inside. Haknyeon always did this for the safety of his performers, because the club's policy was that no one could be in a paid VIP room with the performers. "Looks like you might actually have a new regular. Be safe and good luck!"

Juyeon pats Haknyeon's back and heads towards room 3. He pats his face a little, so he doesn't look too sweaty, and opens the door.

Sitting in front of him is Sunwoo and Eric, whom he recognizes from H Style. He knows that Eric is Hyunjae's secretary, and he's got a feeling that Sunwoo is some equivalent of that to Younghoon.

"Damn hyung, you really leave everything on the dance floor, huh?" Eric teases him. Juyeon rolls his eyes and sits down across from them.

"You guys paid for a VIP room _why_?"

Sunwoo speaks up, "We came here with selfish intent."

Eric slaps his arm. "Don't start it that way you dumbass!"

"How else can we start? I'd feel too guilty if we beat around the bush. He's already been scorned twice now."

Eric pouts and Juyeon cracks out into a little grin, getting reminded of how he and Chanhee used to act towards each other. "Just say what you need to comfortably."

Sunwoo nods and nudges Eric to speak. "Hyung...we heard the whole story from Younghoon. Hyunjae hyung was out of line entirely." he pauses, wiggling his fingers timidly. "Meeting you like this was the last thing we wanted to do, because we respect your privacy. We know Younghoon tried to meet you too, the day it happened. We scolded him for that."

Juyeon smiles, but even then, the two younger men seemingly grow more uncomfortable.

"Ah, how to say this...I thought I'd seen Hyunjae hit rock bottom before, when he broke up with you two years ago. It was agony seeing him like that, pretending like he was okay when he clearly wasn't. He thinks I'm not as observant as I am, but I've worked for him for four years now." Eric sighs. "Well anyway. I think I'm seeing his true rock bottom. He refuses to leave his office, his face is clearly exhausted because he barely eats or sleeps...Younghoon comes to check on him every other hour to make sure he's not curled up in a ball of self-pity."

Juyeon sighs. "And what will my participation do to solve all of this?"

"It's not necessarily solving, I think." Sunwoo voices, and then adds, "Hyunjae hyung is really just shit at expressing his emotions. Almost like he never learned to process them? Whatever the case may be, we thought you could talk some sense into him. You don't have to sugarcoat you words, you just have to be honest to yourself and him."

Juyeon ponders a bit, remembering Kevin's similar words to him just days prior. "Fine. I'll help since you guys came all this way and even paid for a VIP room." He scribbles his phone number down and slides it to Eric. "Contact me when you want to arrange it."

Before Sunwoo and Eric leave, they thank Juyeon. "Hyung, we really are sorry to come to you in this manner."

The older shrugs a bit. Just as he's about to leave, Juyeon turns and says, "It's alright...just tell that hyung that I hope he cheers his ass up."

~~~

"You did what??" Hyunjae yells, and has to force himself to not throw a water bottle across the room.

Younghoon tries to placate his friend by putting his hands up. "I said I authorized for that picture to be on the upcoming issue."

Hyunjae felt so tired _so fucking tired_ but also emboldened by his rage. "Why didn't I see this first? Why wasn't I-"

"You were, Hyunjae! I told you about it two weeks ago, when he had dinner together last! You literally-"

Hyunjae is about ready to slap Younghoon, but Jacob and Sangyeon come running to where they're making noise on the 1st floor and drag them into a smaller studio.

"What in the hell is wrong with you two?" Sangyeon seethes, hating to see the friends fighting.

"Younghoon fucking approved the newest issue's cover page to be _him_." Hyunjae all but screeches.

Jacob scoffs. "You're being childish, Hyunjae."

"Excuse me?" Hyunjae questions, his full glare on Jacob. But Jacob doesn't even flinch.

"You're letting something personal clearly interfere with your professional life. You can't even say _Juyeon's name_."

Hyunjae scowls, "If Younghoon hadn't let him in the building in the first place-"

"We all know that Younghoon has the best eye for these things. And it's been since explained to you that he didn't even know of your past relations. So stop being a child, or at least wait until you get home."

Hyunjae is fuming. "Of all people, I wouldn't have expected you to not use your brain, Jacob. But-"

A slap resounds through the empty studio, and Hyunjae is holding his left cheek when he brushes his hair from his vision to see Sangyeon holding back a burning fire in his eyes. "We've done nothing but try to be reasonable with you and support you through this hard time. But if you can't see that what you're doing is simply unprofessional, you need a hard look in the mirror, Hyunjae."

With that, Jacob and Sangyeon take their leave, faces red with anger but hearts bitterly cold with worry.

Younghoon takes Hyunjae's hand wordlessly, sinking to the floor with him, so they can simply lay in silence, as Hyunjae's sobs fill the space.

~~~

Several months pass after the fiasco, and Eric is more desperate than ever to be by Hyunjae's side. The fiasco made it hard for anyone to be around Hyunjae except for him, and Eric simply isn't sure what he can do to help mitigate the situation.

It doesn't help that when the issue of H Style with Juyeon plastered on the cover is released, Hyunjae locked himself in his bathroom for almost 24 hours.

Eric realizes that he's scared, so scared of seeing his boss _his friend_ slowly unravel this way. Hyunjae has no light in his eyes, he carries his body like it's constantly too heavy to hold up, and he's completely given up on styling himself outside of anything but the most basic of outfits. Younghoon has started staying at his penthouse the month previous, so Eric can be sure that Hyunjae is healthy and safe even when they're apart.

It's on a windy yet sunny Tuesday that Eric receives an unexpected text message.

" _Hey Eric, it's Juyeon hyung. I haven't heard from you in a while, so I wanted to check in._ "

Eric's eyes widen but he quickly replies, " _Ah Juyeon hyung! I'm so sorry I never contacted you after that day. How did you get my phone number?_ "

" _Oh, I asked Younghoon hyung. He didn't even ask why I wanted it keke_ "

Eric smiles slightly at that and types back, " _Well don't worry too much about what we talked about. Seems like things are out of our hands_ "

" _Like...in a good way right?_ "

Eric bites his lip to hold back tears as he responds, " _No hyung...I think there's not much we can do anymore_ "

" _Ah well...if you change your mind, you can contact hyung, okay?_ "

" _Thank you hyung! I appreciate it!_ "

Given that conversation, the last thing Eric expects as he walks into work is to see the lanky older man who he'd just been texting not even 30 minutes ago. Regardless, he pulls Juyeon to the side, surprised at how easily he lets himself be tugged.

"Juyeon?? What are you doing here? The hyungs will flip if they see you here-"

Juyeon quirks his head. "But I was in the area so I wanted to check in on you."

Eric isn't buying it but he doesn't say that aloud. "Okay but that can wait until another time! You really shouldn't-"

"Eric...isn't it better to hit the bullseye cleanly once?"

Eric blinks at him. "What're you talking about?"

"Rather than tiptoeing around the problem, which is what got us here to begin with, I should've just been honest with myself. And with him. So that's what I want to do."

Eric is simultaneously dumbfounded and in awe at his direct attitude. He doesn't want to turn Juyeon away-after all, the events prior all must've left a scar in his heart as well. So Eric takes him up the elevator, his heart pounding a mile a minute. He knows that this might be risky, and that it could either help the situation a great deal or plummet Hyunjae past the point of no return.

As they close in on Hyunjae's office, Eric prays that his gut won't screw him over.

He opens the door, to see Younghoon sitting at the chair across from Hyunjae's computer, and Hyunjae with his head in his hands. Hyunjae's migraines recently made a nasty comeback, and sometimes the lights are too bright for him to focus on what's in front of him.

Neither of the older men look up, assuming well that Eric has come to join them as he normally does. It's only after Eric shuts the door behind them and both men take a seat on the couch that Younghoon and Hyunjae decide to look to where they are.

A million emotions cross Hyunjae's face in less than a minute, and Juyeon is physically pained by how tired he looks. _"Damn Eric wasn't kidding."_

"Hi Hyunjae hyung. Can we talk?" Juyeon asks politely, as if he's not face to face with his ex after months of agony on both their parts.

Hyunjae simply blinks. "As long as you don't care that Hoonie is not to leave my side."

Juyeon grins. "No, I don't mind."

"Then go ahead."

Juyeon stands up, walking over to Hyunjae's desk chair in two long strides. He kneels right in front of the older man, gently pressing his palms into Hyunjae's thighs. Hyunjae startles a bit at the contact, but he doesn't show any sign of moving. Juyeon meets his exhausted eyes with warm tenderness.

"Hyung, I've heard you haven't been eating or sleeping. You look quite tired, and you aren't even that much older than me."

Hyunjae shakily takes in a breath. "That's right. I'm only what? Two years older than you?"

"Mhmm." Juyeon purrs and Hyunjae thinks his heart might start up again from the gentle smile that caresses his features. "Hyung...I wanted to talk to you because...remember how last time I said that...That you have a tendency to take from others?"

Hyunjae silently nods, unable to meet his gaze.

"Well...I think I actually forgot to tell you something else, too."

Hyunjae quirks a brow. "No need, Juyeon. I know I've been nothing but selfish to you."

Juyeon pouts a bit and nods, but his eyes have a playful glint to them. "That's right hyung, you have been selfish. Even when you broke up with me, you kept my heart for the past two years. How the hell is that fair?"

Eric audibly gasps (in a good way) and Younghoon falls off his chair laughing. Hyunjae blinks twice before tilting his head. "Wh-what did you just say?"

"I _said_ it's unfair that you kept my heart this whole time if you were unwilling to give me something in return."

Juyeon watches Hyunjae's reaction closely, and becomes slightly giddy when Hyunjae's eyes slowly start to gain some light to them. "B-but why?"

Juyeon laughs, "What do you mean why? I can't suddenly stop myself from being in love with you, Lee Jaehyun."

Hyunjae's reservations all fly out of his head at that moment. He leans down, touching his forehead to Juyeon's. "C-can I-"

Juyeon doesn't even let him finish the sentence, and boldly presses his lips to Hyunjae's, closing the distance between them. Younghoon immediately stands to drag Eric out the room, and Hyunjae barely registers the door of his office slamming shut.

Juyeon pulls away with breathless giggles, which is music to Hyunjae's ears. "Sorry hyung made you wait, Juyeon...I-"

"You don't need to say it, hyung. I realized as I was texting Eric this morning that we were both tiptoeing around something much bigger than what we were willing to say. Saying it feels like heaven though. Go on, try it."

Hyunjae pulls Juyeon to his feet, holding the younger man's hips as he finally allows himself _finally after two fucking years_ to say, "I love you, Lee Juyeon."

Juyeon shivers with giddy. "Can you say it again? And louder?"

Hyunjae laughs, "Oh so now you're ordering me around?"

"I mean...I can if that's what you want, hyung." he says as he takes a step closer. And Hyunjae realizes a second too late that Juyeon might be weaponizing his feline features against him, because his knees buckle the second Juyeon's warm breath is on his neck.

"Juyeon-"

"What? Needy already hyung?" he asks, his delicious lips upturning in just the way Hyunjae loves to daydream about.

"Stop, that's so unfair!" Hyunjae whines. When they had first gotten together, Hyunjae told Juyeon he liked when the younger used the word hyung as a term of endearment. And it wasn't until one night of fucking when Juyeon let the word slip needily between breathy moans that Hyunjae realized he could drunk on the way someone said a mere word.

He figures Juyeon remembers that night just as well as he does, then.

Juyeon giggles again, and drags Hyunjae to the couch so he can sink teasingly into the soft leather. As soon as he's seated, he pats his lap for Hyunjae to sit on. Hyunjae grins, straddling the younger's fabulously toned thighs.

They don't even need to speak, they just kiss and let their bodies speak the words they were too timid to say aloud.

_Your line of work doesn't define your worth as a human. I can still love you even if we come from different places in life._

_It's okay that we're different._

Hyunjae pulls away suddenly. "Juyeon."

Juyeon hazily peers at him through half-lidded eyes, clearly affected by his own lust. "Mm?"

"I need to say this one thing to you."

"Go ahead, hyung."

"I'm really truly sorry for how I ended things the first time. I don't know how to talk about what goes on in my heart, and I randomly blurt things out that can be taken very offensively. But I swear to god...I have never felt anything like I feel with you. My heart feels like it starts when I look at you and god...I just...the world makes sense with you."

Juyeon smiles so bright Hyunjae wants to burn his expression into his heart. "Hyung, you didn't have to say all that. But I'm...happy you did. Really happy."

Hyunjae brushes his hair back to marvel at Juyeon's smiling face before the younger pouts and adds, "This means you really can't leave me again you dumbass. I will not deal with another breakup."

Hyunjae laughs, shutting him up with a kiss. "Shut up and fuck me in my office."

Juyeon's cat-like eyes shift to a moodier gaze. "Your wish is my command."

Hyunjae makes sure to lock his door before hastily removing his clothes, until he gets down to his boxer briefs.

Juyeon whistles low. "Oh so you like Louis Vuitton?"

Hyunjae blushes a little. "They're comfortable, okay?"

"I'll make sure to buy you some more then."

Hyunjae is about to retort back, but he turns just in time to see Juyeon pulling his own shirt and pants off, revealing fitted dark blue briefs. Hyunjae finds himself admiring Juyeon's incredibly lanky frame, until the younger pulls him by the hips so that they're barely even a breath apart. Once again, their lips crash together again and Hyunjae thinks he sees stars when Juyeon laps hungrily at his bottom lip with his tongue.

Of course, Hyunjae allows him access and as they fight for control, Juyeon somehow navigates them back to the couch. He lets himself lose, as Hyunjae knocks him back onto the couch, and the older has to scramble to seat himself upright on Juyeon's lap.

"Just so you know hyung, from now on I'm not going easy on you."

Hyunjae shudders in delight. "I wouldn't want it any other way."

Juyeon smirks and proceeds to use one hand to roll his lover over his erection, blatantly groaning as they gain more friction. Hyunjae feels sparks explode underneath every nerve in his body, and electricity shoots up his spine when Juyeon brings his hand down on his ass.

"Fuck baby spank me more~."

Juyeon growls a little at that, not needing to be told twice. He yanks Hyunjae's briefs down further, uncovering both of his perfect asscheeks. Juyeon gently strokes them before bringing down his hand again and again, until all Hyunjae can do is moan into the crook of his neck wantonly.

When he stops, Hyunjae whines a bit more, but Juyeon's got different plans in mind. He stands, tugging Hyunjae with him. Carefully, he lays Hyunjae face down over his own desk.

"You're gonna have to hold yourself up, hyung." Juyeon says devilishly, licking his lips and spreading Hyunjae's ass.

Hyunjae bites his lip as Juyeon begins to eat him out like a starving man. He sucks, licks, and slurps so well that Hyunjae's legs feel weak with pleasure. Once Hyunjae is begging for his fingers, drool slipping from the corners of his mouth, Juyeon inserts one amazingly long finger. Hyunjae can already feel him brushing his prostate, and crumples on his desk-body overrun with mind-numbing pleasure. Juyeon steadily adds fingers as he pumps and stretches his lover underneath him. Once he's got three fingers in, Hyunjae is desperately gasping for air like he's drowning under an ocean of pleasure.

Juyeon removes his fingers and reaches around Hyunjae to stick the fingers into the older man's mouth. Hyunjae doesn't need to be told-he immediately sucks on the younger man's digits, both relishing in and disgusted by the taste of himself on Juyeon's fingers.

Juyeon pulls his fingers away with a pop, and rolls his underwear down, so that he's also completely nude. Juyeon slowly pumps himself to the image of Hyunjae wrecked across his own desk, unable to hide the lust brimming in his eyes.

Hyunjae slightly twists to see Juyeon working himself, his hand nearly engulfing his entire cock. Hyunjae mewls at the sight, wanting to feel full already. Juyeon smiles, rubbing circles into the older's lower back. "You feel ready, hyung?"

"Mhmm. Please fill me up Juyeonie."

Juyeon shivers a bit, gripping one of Hyunjae's delicious cheeks to spread his ass. He spits on his own cock and Hyunjae almost goes insane at the lewd sound. But the older remembers something, and reaches over his desk into the first drawer to grab a small bottle of lube. He twists his body slightly to hand it to Juyeon and the younger smiles before dumping a generous amount on his erection. He also uses the extra lube left on his fingers to probe at Hyunjae's whole, but he decides it's not enough and squirts even more onto his hands so he can properly lube his lover's ass.

Once he's decided it's enough, Juyeon slowly presses into Hyunjae's inviting heat. Hyunjae is a gurgling, mewling mess on his desk-unable to produce any full sentences and repeating the phrase " _Fuck Juyeonie_ " over and over like it's his new mantra.

It's when Juyeon bottoms out into Hyunjae that he twitches at the warmth of his hyung. Hyunjae knows he'll probably be sore later, but not even two minutes into being full, he starts swiveling his hips and shallowly pushing his hips back onto Juyeon. Juyeon let's him do what he wants for a while, but it's clear the younger is not the most patient because he digs into Hyunjae's fleshy hips with his fingertips and starts meeting Hyunjae's hips. He's not thrusting too deep at first, because he doesn't want to break Hyunjae, but the older man is stubborn, and honestly a bit of a brat when it comes to pleasure.

"I thought you said you weren't gonna go easy on hyung, hm Juyeonie? Are you scared that you'll cum before me?"

Juyeon snarls low and sure, grasping Hyunjae's hips with his entire palm before forcibly connecting their hips, his thrusts effortlessly deep. Hyunjae sputters out broken cries of pleasure as electricity shoots down his legs.

"Hyung, you should know better than to provoke the person standing above you." Juyeon comments nastily, and aims straight for Hyunjae's prostate.

"Ah ah fuck Juyeonie right there!!"

Juyeon, who has no mercy left in him, purposefully slows down and Hyunjae whines so loud that Juyeon has to give his ass a smack so that he learns his lesson. "Wasn't it you who just reminded me that I wasn't going easy on you?"

Hyunjae's eyes are rolling back as Juyeon quickens their pace once more. "F-full! So fucking full Juyeonie, you make hyung so goddamn full I want to explode."

"Ahhh you can't do that yet hyung. Juyeonie isn't nearly done with you."

Hyunjae clenches particularly hard when Juyeon hits his prostate that time, so Juyeon completely stops moving and Hyunjae feels the weight of all his pleasure hit him like a bullet train.

"God please Juyeonie, please don't stop moving. Hyung can't take it."

"Oh you can't hyung? How about if I touch you here-" he says, snaking his hand around Hyunjae's bent over body and pumping his erection.

Hyunjae arches his back hard, seeing white spots dance in his vision. He's screaming, shrieking even, and Juyeon moves his hips once more, slowly building up to the breakneck pace they had been at.

"Ju-Juyeon fuck fuck shit please your hand feels so fucking good, your cock is filling me up! Please don't fucking stop, god I'm so fucking close!"

Juyeon laughs in earnest, artfully using his hips to piston into Hyunjae's prostate as if it's the easiest game in the world. "Hyuuuung, you're squeezing me so tight. Keep arching your back, yeah just like that-mmph god you look so pretty unravelling underneath me. Yes, so fucking pretty, I love you so much-ugh c'mon hyung you can cum first. I know you've been waiting."

Hyunjae needs no other words-the combination of Juyeon's dirty talk, calling him hyung, and the impeccable way he's synced his thrusts with the rhythm he's jacking Hyunjae off send Hyunjae spiraling hard into his orgasm. Hyunjae cums so hard that he starts sobbing from the force of his ejaculation. He keeps cumming, the white ribbons of slick coating Juyeon's hand.

Juyeon, being squeezed so hard and still thrusting to help Hyunjae ride out his orgasm suddenly cums when Hyunjae lets out the most erotic moan he's ever heard. His voice is hoarse and somehow gooey at the same time, and Juyeon absolutely lets his eyes roll back into his head as he uses his boyfriend's ass while his orgasm rolls over him.

Breathless and panting, Juyeon slowly pulls out, harshly biting his lip at his sensitivity. Hyunjae musters all his strength and turns to help the younger to the couch, but all he sees is Juyeon greedily licking his cum off those obnxiously long fingers and Hyunjae feels faint again.

They do somehow manage to get to the couch, still naked, and they both flop down, a mess of long limbs and sweaty bodies.

"We're really going to have to be sneaky about our clean up." Juyeon heaves.

Hyunjae chuckles, "We can just wait til when everyone leaves. I have the keys."

Juyeon makes a noise of agreement before sleepily cuddling the older man into his chest.

~~~

The cleanup is not easy at all, mostly because Younghoon, Eric, Sunwoo, Jacob, and Sangyeon all stay behind to teasingly greet the two men as they exit the elevator on the first floor. Hyunjae is mortified beyond belief, but Juyeon simply laughs as he throws an arm over the older's shoulder. Juyeon quickly shoots a text to his groupchat with Changmin, Chanhee, and Kevin to come meet him at Younghoon's flat. Younghoon steals Juyeon's phone to type his address and then they all head out in seperate cars.

Once they all meet up at the enormous flat, the pull a few extra chairs so that everyone can comfortably sit at the table. Younghoon politely introduces everybody and the two groups mingle over drinks while Hyunjae and Juyeon sit and observe.

"I think Jacob has a thing for Kevin." Hyunjae chuckles as they watch the two nervously flirt. "And are Changmin and Chanhee dating?"

Juyeon outright laughs. "Oh god no. Those two just work really closely since Chanhee is a song writer and Changmin is a DJ."

Hyunjae nods and scans the room. Eric and Sunwoo seem to be playing rock paper scissors with Changmin and Chanhee over something. Changmin and Chanhee screech in victory, and Eric drunkenly plants a kiss on Sunwoo's lips. Hyunjae almost spits out his drink and Juyeon grins at the antics unfolding in front of them.

As Juyeon is helping Hyunjae clean up his mess, the older wraps a hand around his broad shoulders, pulling himself closer. "Do you think these idiots are ever going to let us have any peace?"

Juyeon snorts. "Of course not. We should bear it though. After all, they had to deal with our annoying pining for over two years."

Hyunjae plants a soft kiss on Juyeon's cheek. "I suppose you're right about that."

**Author's Note:**

> YAYYYYY I hope you guys enjoyed reading this beast as much as I enjoyed writing her! She's not as long as I thought she was, but MAN it took a lot more out of me than I thought it would (in all the best of ways though)~


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